


Entries of the Blog of Dr. John H. Watson

by alltoseek



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, John's blog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-10
Updated: 2012-04-10
Packaged: 2017-11-03 09:22:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alltoseek/pseuds/alltoseek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a series of John's blog entries, written for various prompts</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blogging for Science

**Author's Note:**

> fill for an errant comment on the sherlock kinkmeme: http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/6487.html?thread=41412695#t41412695
> 
> _F5 F5 F5 i love it! When will be the next update? it's fantastic!_

THE PERSONAL BLOG OF

## Dr. John H. Watson

A Study in Pink  
…  
 **20 comments**  
...  
 _John, I've only just found this post. I've glanced over it and honestly, words fail me. What I do is an exact science and should be treated as such. You've made the whole experience seem like some kind of romantic adventure. You should have focussed on my analytical reasoning and nothing more._  
 **Sherlock Holmes**

John read his flatmate's remark with some scepticism. It was his bloody blog, not the Great Bloody Consulting Detective's, and he could tell _his_ story any bloody way he wanted. If Sherlock wanted to write a dry technical treatise he could bloody well do that himself.

Still, serve him right if he tried to write it the way Sherlock was saying he should. Then he could listen to the crickets chirp while he awaited any applause for his 'exact science' of 'analytical reasoning'.

First, a new name. A non-romantic, technically accurate, entirely dull name.

**A Study of a Series of Apparent Suicides**

Whilst I was examining a flat that I was considering sharing with a new acquaintance, a Detective Inspector from Scotland Yard entered to request the assistance of my potential flatmate, Sherlock Holmes, a consulting detective who works with the police on occasion, regarding a recent death. Sherlock agreed to come and asked me to accompany him. We proceeded to an empty building where lay the body of a woman. Sherlock examined her and made the following observations:  
*She was dressed entirely in pink, with matching shoes, coat, and nail colour.  
*Her hair was somewhat untidy.  
*Her jewellery was clean, except for her wedding ring.  
*Her wedding ring was clean only on the inside.  
*Her nails were neat, except for the index finger of the left hand, where she had been writing in the wooden floor.  
*Her coat collar was turned down, but underneath it was wet.  
*The umbrella in her pocket was dry.  
*There were splatters of mud on the back of her right calf.

From these facts Sherlock made the following deductions:  
*The woman had been married about 10 years, judging from the age of the ring.  
*The marriage was an unhappy one, as she had the rest of her jewellery regularly cleaned but not her ring.  
*She was a serial adulterer: the ring was clean on the inside because she often removed it; however, judging from the neatness of her nails and condition of her hands she did not work with her hands. Therefore she removed the ring when she wished to appear single. Maintaining an appearance of being single over a long period of time would be very difficult; therefore, her affairs were brief and frequent.  
*She was a very clever woman, able to have multiple affairs over a long period of time.  
*She had recently been in a location that was both rainy and windy. Rainy because her coat was wet, windy because her coat collar had been turned up against the wind; also too windy to use her umbrella.  
*The only locations within a day's travel of London that had weather both raining and windy that day was Cardiff; therefore, she had come from her home in that city.  
*The mud splatters on her leg were the distribution pattern of a small rolling suitcase.  
*The small size of the case indicates she planned a very brief trip; therefore, Cardiff was her home (not an earlier destination in a longer journey) and she intended a short stay in London.  
*No case was found in the building. She had not left it in her hotel because her hair was still untidy from traveling. She was clearly very conscious of her appearance judging from the matching style of her clothes and accessories; she would not have left the hotel without fixing her hair.  
*The missing case was pink, as all her other accessories were of that same hue.  
*Therefore, someone else took the case, possibly inadvertently, it having been left in the car that brought the victim to the building.  
*For someone else to have taken the case away after her death, or forced her to enter the building without it, indicates that someone else murdered the victim.  
*The victim died of the same self-ingested poisons as three earlier victims; hence they are all murders, not suicides.  
*The message scrawled in the floor was written by the victim, indicated by the condition of the nail of the finger lying next to the writing.  
*The victim was left-handed, having used her left finger to write the message.  
*The message was unfinished; the victim wrote it after taking the poison but before dying. A suicide leaving a note generally writes it before making the attempt, not during or after. Another indication that the victim was murdered  
*The victim knew she had time for only a brief message; it was intended as a clue to locating the murderer.  
*Locating the missing pink case should be the first step in identifying the murderer.

John stopped. He was boring even himself. He could not imagine writing out the whole sequence of events this way. Well, this should be enough anyway to demonstrate to Mr. Genius Consulting Detective that this kind of blog entry wasn't likely to be of interest to anyone, let alone be instructive or impressive. He saved the entry.

 

THE PERSONAL BLOG OF

## Dr. John H. Watson

A Study of a Series of Apparent Suicides  
…  
 **1 comment**  
 _John, excellent! It's an astounding improvement over your typical overblown incoherent prose. F5 F5 F5 When will be the next update? ___  
 **Sherlock Holmes**


	2. Blogger's Block

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fill for kinkmeme prompt: http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/5950.html?thread=26549310#t26549310
> 
>   _I would very much appreciate a fic where John has all these ideas and words and thoughts for his blog swirling around in his head, but when he actually sits down to type them up, he finds that he can't._

John's fingers were poised above the keyboard, ready to write. Then his head crashed down into his hands.

 _Writing this damn thing was a lot easier when I could say 'Nothing ever happens to me'._ Oh! All right then, let's start there:

**I can't say anymore that nothing ever happens to me, because since I moved into 221B really quite a bit happens to me, but it's hard to know where to start. So much is related to some stuff I've posted earlier, and different elements all coming together.**

**I suppose I should start by saying what happened since my last post, since some people commented that they were worried when they didn't hear from me. The problem is, there's a lot I'm not supposed to talk about**

_No, this is no good,_ thought John. _I'm not even supposed to say I'm not supposed to talk about it._ Scratch all that above; let's start over:

**In my last post I said I'd write up my notes about a few cases we've had, like the Melting Laptop and the pleasure cruiser. The thing is, whenever I write up these incidents, it's hard enough to know where to start. And then Sherlock has to go criticising my writing - everything from my vocabulary to my punctuation; and what I put in and what I leave out**

_Goddammit, this is worse. Here I'm just whinging about my flatmate. As if my life doesn't revolve around him enough as it is._

_OK, write about something **other** than Sherlock. There's my work - but that's dull. No interesting patients or conditions I could mention without violating confidentiality. And no change, still locum at the same surgery. Nothing to report there._

_I could write about Sarah - our relationship is becoming plenty interesting. Except we're at a delicate point; don't want to write about us too intimately, could upset her. Hmmm..._

**Sarah is the most amazing woman I've ever met.**

_Nothing to object to there, I hope._

**And Sherlock Holmes is the most amazing man I've ever met.**

_Oh God no, now I sound like I think I'm a nobody in my own life - just a hanger-on to others. This is **pathetic**._

John's blog was a lot easier to write when he thought no one was reading it.


	3. The Adventure of the Leaping Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lestrade goes fishing and catches something odd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written for livejournal.thegameison.com prompt 'spring'.
> 
> Many thanks to my awesome beta feroxargentea!

THE PERSONAL BLOG OF

## Dr. John H. Watson

**3rd August**

**The Adventure of the Fishing Detective**

Nothing much going on right now. Evidently even the criminal element of London goes on holiday in the summer. So I thought I'd write about a curious incident that occurred a few months ago.

DI ~~Lestrade~~ was enjoying a rare opportunity to go fishing at a favourite haunt of his when his quiet was disturbed by some boisterous play from a group of lads at a nearby ground-fed pool. At first, he tried to ignore them, but he began to realise that their voices were vaguely familiar. He crept over to investigate, keeping himself hidden, and recognised them as a streetgang from Brixton, one of whose mates had been recently banged up for a good long spell. They were taking turns leaping over the pool, alternately encouraging each other and laughing at the failures. There was nothing illegal in this, though it seemed very odd to him. With nothing to be done about it, he went back to his fishing, and eventually the group left.

When he'd packed up for the day, he was still puzzled by the men's activities, and went over to investigate the now-deserted area. He didn't find much, except for an odd-looking device, apparently home-made, whose intended purpose he couldn't work out. It looked somewhat damaged or incomplete anyway, and had evidently been discarded. He also unearthed a few metal coils of varying sizes nearby, but nothing further.

On his way back home, the DI stopped by Baker Street to tell Sherlock his story, to see if the consultant could make anything of it. He had hardly finished talking before Sherlock started to scoff and make some of his usual derogatory remarks about the idiocy of the world in general and the Met in particular. He tossed the device and the other bits of metal to me, asking me what observations I had, but I must admit I could make nothing at all of the whole situation.

My flatmate looked incredulously from me to the DI, and said, “But it's obvious! Do you really not see? Well, if you can't unravel even this minor mystery it's no wonder you have nothing to show for your day of fishing but one middling specimen that won't even provide an adequate tea for your family – and that's after throwing back several others for being too small.”

(At this point ~~Lestrade~~ protested, saying the fish had been spooked by the antics at the pool, and that the distraction had put him off his game. Neither of us bothered to enquire how Sherlock knew what our colleague had caught. No doubt it was the splash patterns on his trousers, together with the drops of something on his shirt that may possibly have been curry sauce.)

Sherlock finally enlightened us. _Obviously_ , the gang were planning an attempt to free their comrade from prison. The device was designed to be slipped into his cell door's locking mechanism, making it appear to be securely closed whilst actually preventing the lock from engaging properly. Besides the various locked doors throughout the prison, there were other physical difficulties in the escape route, hence the need to practise jumping, particularly under conditions of poor footing and slippery landings. All this made the pool a reasonable choice, as they could generally pass for a group of lads enjoying a bit of simple fun.

Obviously.

 

**5 comments**

* * *

So, John, you could put this way, right? – Last SPRING, a detective discovered some unsavoury men meeting at a SPRING. From the DI's report, Sherlock deduced they planned to SPRING their mate from prison using a SPRING to disable the lock, and then SPRING over obstacles during their escape. But the conspirators were thwarted because they did not expect a policeman to SPRING up at their little tryst and SPRING a leak in their plans.

 **Harry Watson** 03 August 13:21

* * *

  
Ha ha, Harry. Very funny.

 **John Watson** 03 August 13:25

* * *

  
It is funny! SPRING prisoners with SPRINGS by SPRINGING in the SPRING!

AHAHAHAHAHA!

 **Harry Watson** 03 August 13:28

* * *

John, much as I abhor your tendency to focus on the least instructive aspects of the cases whilst completely overlooking the scientific aspect of my deductions, may I take this opportunity of expressing my gratitude that it is at least you who writes up these notes, and not your sister? Her 'wit', if it can be called that, flows in a very thin stream indeed.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 03 August 13:41

* * *

My wit SPRINGS eternal!

ROTFLMAO!!!

 **Harry Watson** 03 August 13:45


End file.
